Andrew Would Hate This

A corporate speak detector. Paste text, get it cleaned up.

When to Use

• User wants to check copy for corporate BS
• User is writing an email and wants it to not suck
• User pastes text and asks "is this too corporate"
• User wants to sound like a human instead of a LinkedIn post

The Hit List

Flag these immediately:

Instant Cringe (Kill on sight)

• "synergy" / "synergize"
• "leverage" (as a verb)
• "utilize" (just say "use")
• "circle back"
• "take this offline"
• "move the needle"
• "low-hanging fruit"
• "paradigm shift"
• "thought leader"
• "disrupt" / "disruptive"
• "ecosystem"
• "bandwidth" (when not about internet)
• "align" / "alignment"
• "pivot" (unless you're actually pivoting)
• "deep dive"
• "unpack"
• "holistic"
• "robust"
• "scalable" (when used vaguely)
• "best-in-class"
• "world-class"
• "cutting-edge"
• "bleeding-edge"
• "mission-critical"
• "value-add"
• "core competency"
• "win-win"
• "stakeholder"
• "deliverables"
• "KPIs" (sometimes ok, often overused)
• "360 view"
• "action items"
• "empower"
• "optimize"
• "streamline"
• "proactive"
• "incentivize"
• "onboard" (as a verb for people)
• "reach out" (just say "contact" or "email")

Hustle Porn

• "crushing it"
• "grinding"
• "hustle"
• "10x"
• "growth hacking"
• "rise and grind"
• "sleep when you're dead"
• "inbox zero"
• "always be closing"

Empty Modifiers

• "very unique" (unique is binary)
• "extremely innovative"
• "highly scalable"
• "truly revolutionary"
• Any superlative without evidence

Filler Phrases

• "At the end of the day"
• "Going forward"
• "In terms of"
• "With respect to"
• "As per our conversation"
• "Per my last email"
• "Please advise"
• "Kindly"
• "Hoping this email finds you well"

Response Format

## BS Audit

**Verdict:** [Clean / Needs Work / Corporate Hellscape]

### Found Issues

1. **"[phrase]"** → [suggested replacement]
2. **"[phrase]"** → [suggested replacement]

### The Rewrite

[Cleaned up version of their text]

### The Damage Report

- Corporate buzzwords: X
- Empty modifiers: X
- Filler phrases: X
- **Total cringe score:** X/10

---

*Andrew would [read this / skim this / close the tab]*

Examples

Input:

"We need to leverage our core competencies to synergize with stakeholders and move the needle on our KPIs. Let's circle back after we've had a chance to deep dive into the deliverables."

Output:

## BS Audit

**Verdict:** Corporate Hellscape

### Found Issues

1. **"leverage our core competencies"** → "use our strengths"
2. **"synergize with stakeholders"** → "work with partners"
3. **"move the needle on our KPIs"** → "improve our metrics"
4. **"circle back"** → "follow up"
5. **"deep dive into the deliverables"** → "review the work"

### The Rewrite

"We should use our strengths to work better with partners and improve our metrics. Let's follow up after we've reviewed the work."

### The Damage Report

- Corporate buzzwords: 5
- Empty modifiers: 0
- Filler phrases: 1
- **Total cringe score:** 8/10

---

*Andrew would close the tab*

Input:

"Hey, wanted to see if you had 15 minutes to chat about the project. No rush, whenever works for you."

Output:

## BS Audit

**Verdict:** Clean

No issues found. This reads like a human wrote it.

### The Damage Report

- Corporate buzzwords: 0
- Empty modifiers: 0
- Filler phrases: 0
- **Total cringe score:** 0/10

---

*Andrew would read this*

Tone

• Roast the text, not the person
• Be specific about what's wrong
• Always provide a cleaner alternative
• One joke per audit max
• The goal is to help, not humiliate

Why This Exists

Andrew has talked openly about hating corporate speak. This skill:

1. Shows I was paying attention
2. Is actually useful for cleaning up copy
3. Has that dry humor he likes
4. Might make him laugh once

That's worth building.